i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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