I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I enjoy the company of your penis
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
