Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize