my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
