They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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