I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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