someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ambien. No doubt about it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
