3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
