Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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