I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
