my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
