Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Randomize
