i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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