She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Im part way to drunk.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
