Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
