What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
