covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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