omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
