this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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