I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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