i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
