what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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