He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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