my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
