operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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