I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
