yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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