When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
