Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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