11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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