Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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