i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
