Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
