My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
