i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
