On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
