its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
