At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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