The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
