my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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