Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
