So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
