I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
