I have demons in me.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
50% drunk capacity currently
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
