why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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