i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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