I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dignity is for republicans.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
