I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
