guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
