Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
