i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
