...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
