thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
