are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
