Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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