In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you would pick up someone in the library
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
