you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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