I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
