Fuck appropriateness.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
