Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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