For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
