I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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