worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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