I accidentally had phone sex last night
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
