I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
