My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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