He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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