remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
